The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, making love carries enormous significance and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone view website ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .

However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical Source compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in metropolitan areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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